On the subject of death and dying, a memoir to my grandmother
Back then they were always in the clinic, and I was always with her
She had raised me and my cousins, my uncle had overdosed
Times were changing, gangs were taking off, my country was dying
So we left, and we moved to a land of strangers and glaciers
Death followed, my aunt fell sick, an autoimmune disease
Hospital bills, checkups, medicine, needles, longs night
Then she was gone, she wasn’t coming back, another one gone
So we left, this time to family Los Angeles, then finally Texas
But dying called, my grandmother, my rearer had cancer
We visited her, chemotherapy, radiation, we were killing her
But with time remission came, and with that just a little bit of hope
But death had an appointment, so we came again, this time to hospice
The hope was drained, so we celebrated while we could
A tea party, a mariachi band, every night dinner and a movie
Soon bound to bed, entranced by sleep, and unable to speak
We took turns holding those worn hands whose warmth escaped them
One night we bought some pizza and watched her favorite movies
I went to bed at 4 in the morning and in my dreams I felt at peace
When I woke the funeral staff had already taken her, death had arrived
At the funeral home, I felt emotions I didn’t understand, I was overwhelmed
All these new faces, they didn’t see her slowly all apart, they didn’t care
They could never understand what I felt, what my mom felt, what she felt
Not that it mattered, she was dead, and there was nothing left to be done
At the time dying was absolute to me, until I realized her memory remains
Her pancakes and egg dishes, her lasagna, and her bony hugs, her smile
All the times she held me, helped wash my scraped knees, held me up high
Taught me individual responsibility, and how to get back up after failing
The times she talked to me about the adventures of her youth and life lessons
How she met my grandfather, how she worked overtime to raise my family
What the civil war in our country was like, what being a good person meant
And her final lesson that in death and dying love can go a long way
Musings 